In Time

Time is a fickle friend. When we are unable to run time is disorienting and slow, yet when we start running again all that dissipates for a new disorientation. We sit around wondering when we can run again and days turn to weeks and sometimes weeks into months.
It works when running as well. I restarted with a Sat run and woke on Sunday to run again. 5 weeks have now passed and I’ve met every training obligation with enthusiasm. Training has even been expanded to include swimming as my cross training. I do feel a lot better than I have at any point in the last year, but still feel like I’m missing a step or 2. 5 weeks ago I ran 3 miles and wondered if I was going to finish, now I’m doing speed work on the track and wondering why I’m not faster.
Wanting to be faster is another sign of healing. From wondering if I was going to finish 3 miles to checking splits and telling myself I can do better. Surrounded by time in all aspects of life. Had to take time last week to treat the thyroid with radioactive iodine. Now in time the hormone producing cells will be dead. It is the solution to my problem.
Running has been a solution for many of my problems so I welcome this phase of healing. It will allow me to run. I’ve got time goals and as of now do believe that I will be able to work towards them. Again it will be the time that tells. Being able to run consistently again has helped clear the head of all the noise that I picked up will waiting around to run again. Not a bad deal really, I sat more days in 4 months than I ran and now in 5 weeks I’ve run more days than I’ve sat and the doubting thoughts are disappearing.
I’m really not much good at the “normal” life stuff, I’m not a podium runner,  I don’t have best selling “How To” books out there, but I’m at my best when pounding pavement.
As I run to be my best, I often get caught up in times and wanting to be the best. The circle is constant its the time that’s fickle. My best days are proven by effort when no one is looking, my best times come from putting a lot of best days together.

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